This morning I woke up missing the love of my life. I felt a pinch in my heart. Not the kind of pinch you feel from the nurse drawing blood or a doc giving you a vaccine, and not the kind of pinch you feel when a girl that likes you, or a boy, pinches you aggressively from not being able to contain themselves around you, and, just the simple lack of not knowing what else to do in order to get your attention while not making a fool of themselves. No. This pinch was a lot more profound for me. It lingered a lot longer than most pinches do and it stung for a lot longer than most pinches are capable of. Like I said, this morning, I felt a pinch in my heart from missing the love of my life so much.
There are days when I, as a “man’s man”, can move along my day by numbing the pains that I feel, both physically and mentally, and paying no mind to them. It’s not that they are gone, it’s simply that I can put them aside and give them very little-to-no attention. I can fill my mind up with a trillion and one things to keep it so busy that the pain has no choice but to fall way back in the list of priorities to my senses. I guess growing up as a male in this world we are conditioned somehow to do be able to do this. I mean, we should—right?
In my world, growing up, men don’t show fear or pain. Men can’t show weakness because if we do, then who is out there to protect the rest of the world?
I guess that’s why I go by a pen name rather than my given one, so that I can let out all the emotions and feelings I harbor inside and not worry about how the world looks at me. In a sense, it’s silly, I know—especially because the more I learn about life and the more I live it, the less I worry about what others think.
After I was able to pull myself out of bed somehow, which was after that pinch, I got up and started my day with the normal routine: coffee, the morning papers, and a little blog browsing before writing. Within the blogs I came across a very cool Lacoste ad for “The Polo of the Future”. Next To You was the song on it.
The polo’s are SUPER cool, real or not. They’re some Back to the Future type shit that I really love, but it was the song that grabbed my ears, my heart, and all of my attention right away. I’m not sure if it was the melancholic mood I was in that needed to hear it, or if it was just the bluntly simple lyrics that I could relate to which allowed this song to wrap itself around my heart, but I’m glad it did.
Next To You feels familiar to me in more ways than one. It has that 50’s vibe to it from the moment it starts that my mom used to rave about when I was a kid. Maria’s vocals are perfect and her pleas are the sweetest type of love that anyone could want to give to someone they truly love. I love this way and it’s the only way I always want to love.
Now I just know I want you close to me…..
I just want to be, e, e,—next to you.