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Julia Holter – Feel You

This is what, at last,
it is to be
a human being. – C.K. Williams

For the past year, I’ve been changing. Every fiber of me has been calling for it to happen. Because I live in LA, and we are prone to following anything astrological, metaphysical or transcendental, I’ve been told that what I’m going through is my Saturn return, and apparently I’ve got a whole other year or two before I’m through with this stage of my life.

In an effort to let go of all the mental and emotional residue that’s been holding me back, I started to rip apart and rebuild a huge portion of my life. Mostly the difference between my life now vs. my life last year is my willingness to be a little more honest with myself. Which is incredibly hard and still something I’m struggling with. What I want and expect out of life is maybe more complicated than what I thought, but I’m filled with nervous excitement at figuring out what that is.

I’ve been listening to this song on repeat for the past few days because I hear in Julia Holter someone else who’s reaching out for something indefinable. It’s ethereal and radiant, and an incredible new direction.

A sea of flashing light
I’m blinded by it –
the possibility.