A few years ago I was heartbroken. I was stuck in a fantasy that I didn’t know how to let go of. A video game, per say, that I could not put down and could not shut off. I wanted to restart the game before my character died, in essence cheating death. I was holding on to moments that had occurred once in that relationship, but that as time went by I realized we would never get back again. I felt helpless against the apocalypse of that love affair, and once I left it alone, I felt guilt and a ton of sadness.
I would spend my days reminiscing about those beautifully flawless moments we shared, and nights plotting on how I could bring moments like that back to us again. I spend countless hours writing about the pain in my heart, and even more countless hours describing the good times to strangers in bars and on the internet. As much as I knew that the only remedy to it all was to live in my current moment and embrace and engulf myself fully in its surroundings, I just couldn’t. I thought that I would never be able to.
And then I began to see that life all around me was leaving me behind. Where I once led the pack of runners through Central Park, always remaining ahead of each curve, I now trailed. I could see everyone else’s heels in the distance in front of me, and that’s when I began to struggle to get back to the head of that pack. I began reminiscing less and reading more. I no longer found myself waking up to old memories and then writing about them. Instead, I found myself thirsty for new knowledge and groundbreaking discoveries. Inspiration would catch me at every bend and intersection I arrived to, instead of every corner long behind me.
Today, I barely remember that heartbreak and my soul feels brand new. My heart has a murmur or two, but hearts get worn down the more we use them, so that’s only natural. I’m not saying that I regret these past moments of heartbreak because I don’t. A broken heart is a sign of a great love. I’m saying that no matter what we go through that seems like it’s the end of the world and everything in it to us, that we always remember that time heals all wounds. Time truly will heal all of your wounds, but only forgetting time by existing in your now is what will reinvigorate your soul.
If ever you need someone else to hold,
I’m here to take the weight right off your soul.