When I read her email that said she had given someone else a chance in her life, I was crushed. Somewhere in my head I thought we would go about our ways and then get back together like the end of some romantic comedy. But that wasn’t going to happen here. I’m not even sure that I actually wanted that to happen in the first place.
I had left her because I was partly selfish, and because she just wasn’t as strong mentally as I thought she had once been. People have this funny way of showing you only the layers they want to show you rather than the truths about who they really are. Then they have the nerve to get upset when you call them out on it; out on the fact that they aren’t who they said they were.
I can’t really recall why I felt so crushed, but it hurt. I guess it was probably the realization that the great love affair we once shared would just disappear into the land of myths and legends. It would only continue to exist in my head. It would only have been real to just me. And not that there is anything wrong with that in the first place. I guess it was me realizing that all of it was really over for good.
Somehow, even after all these years, I have never gotten used to the end of any relationship. I love far too much for that shit, but I’ve come to realize that love is built so differently into each and everyone of us.
They say that Ravens can read one another’s minds. That they haven’t had to develop languages because they don’t need to. As high up the food chain as we are, you would think that with all of the languages we have developed to communicate we could get something as simple as clearly communicating our emotions to one another, right.
One would think that we could love with the same intensity and passion and forever, the same. But the ugly truth is that we don’t. So no, I guess because I love profoundly whenever I say those words to someone else, I will never get over the loss of a relationship. Not a lover, not a friend, not a family member. No one.
It will always hurt.
I promised you and you promised me,
That we’d always be,
You and me.