I often have a dream. I’m trying to break into a run but I can’t. My feet are glued to the shoes to the ground under me. I’m in a wide leg stance, arms bent at ninety degrees. You’ve seen those models in those fitness magazines. Statuesque
I’ll wrap my forearms around my thighs, desperately trying to pull them up.I’m heaving harder than I ever have before. But nothing. I’m not strong. Usually, something bad is after me and I can’t run away.You ever heard of those moms that can lift cars on an adrenaline rush? Even that amount of strength couldn’t pull me up. I’m stuck. It’s devastating.
In my other dream I can’t see. I can’t open my eyes more than a blurry sliver. However much I try. I’m stuck forever in that limited view of the world.
In my other dream my mom dies.
In my other dream I relive the worst parts of that time, all the shit, over and over again.
Sometimes it’s hard to know what’s more real: the feelings in those dreams or the horizon in front of me.
You know that moment looking out at the skyline?
This beat is like those streaks of unbelievable pinks and oranges and oh my god I didn’t even know the sky could make that color. Maybe I’m on a rooftop. Or a beach. And the bridge in the song is the moment I decide I’m invincible. It drops and I realize, actually, I’ve only discovered I’ve been invincible all along. Ooh-wee it’s all for me, isn’t it? This life. All it has to offer. It’s totally within my reach. That’s power. Oh, if I just raised my arm I could touch it all. Then lift off. Fly above all those silly things I worried about before. The sky and the light are so much bigger than all these groundlings. Look at the rest of them crying, complaining. Look down for a second.
This song, a release from Mad Decent’s sub label, Good Enuff, is a perfect balance between anticipation and release. It’s like the first time the superhero lifts off in an action movie.
But what about all that shit – real or unreal, the fears that linger and face me in my dreams where I’m not strong enough? Some say there’s strength in sitting in what’s rough. I disagree. Like the song, I choose to live in the world of up and up and up. Leave the fears for when I’m sleeping. Because there’s more power in overcoming what’s trying to keep you stuck than stewing in the thing you feel is sinking you. In real life, I can fly.
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