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Caius – Without You

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I’ve been in the music industry now for well over a decade. I have seen many formulas that work, but one of the easiest is simply to take someone else’s classic shit, rework/remake it and throw it out into the blogosphere. It works. It always has and it always will. Don’t get it twisted, the work/rework must be GOOD, but nowadays when it’s good it is guaranteed to get picked up by someone, somewhere, and then gain traction. This Caius rework of Ashanti‘s second #1 hit “Foolish” is pure gold.

I’m up here in NYC at La Toulousaine writing in the rain and listening to a couple of hundred new submissions of songs as I watch the world happening all around me. I’m in awe of how diverse this part of the city truly remains. It’s as if the old New York still exists here in functioning fossilized form. The fashion and stores are way more diverse than anything seen or found anywhere else in the entire NYC. More diverse than the reclaimed-wood theme every business in Williamsburg seems to adhere to; more diverse than those cold ass glass and steel megastructures of Billionaire’s Row. More diverse than the all-black-everything uniforms in the hipster guidebook, and completely contradictory to the midtown suit culture. It’s refreshing to look around and see so much color and such different styles from every single person and child that walks on by. It’s beautiful.

As the rain pours down harder and harder, I feel a calmness in the sea of divergent waves that I find myself enclosed within. Within that calmness of the rain amongst an ocean of endless color is this simplified tune that provides the pulse for every footstep and tire rotation I catch myself staring at outside this cafe’s windows. It’s like watching an Ultra HD film of someone admiring a city that they’ve only seen at night, in their dreams. Without You is perfect for this rainy NYC Sunday.


Shuhandz & High Flown – Let Me Love You

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There are millions of people each day who cross paths with thousands of people daily, all living in NYC. And still, they all have to resort to online presences and profiles to meet and find love. ‘Mind-boggling!”, I say.

The focus of 2016 is to hone in on my own shortcomings. Listening to Erv on the ride home earlier complain about all of his old relationships was the best advice I could have subliminally & unexpectedly received today. We can only know what is good for us by experiencing what isn’t. The more we figure out what isn’t good for us, the closer we arrive to what actually is. ‘Well, that’s only true if we have the willpower to stay away from what is wrong for us.’ We all have this way of being attracted to the things that are the absolute worst for us. Moths to light. You remember, don’t you?

As I was saying, our very own shortcomings is what we should make ourselves hyperaware of in 2016, so that we can spot the energies that are most likely to provide balance for us in our lives, and vice-versa. Think of this all as a seesaw; on the one side, if it’s too heavy it becomes dominant-sided. But if it’s too light, it gets boring real fucking fast.

Anyway, if you have five minutes to reflect on your life, just everything that happened today (good or bad), and where you want to be in five years—press play. It’s an instrumental that deals with the reality that is: “YOUR! life”. It continues a mood that many of you just might appreciate, tonight. 


Malcolm MacLaren – About Her

If you are an office dweller like myself, today is your first day back on the grind. It is the sobering moment you arrive in the office with an honest attempt to be on time and look like you are not considering jumping from the window returning to the recently departed freedom of winter break offered. 

It is also 4 days in to the resolutions many have set up for 2016 to be the best year, maybe ever. I have not set such standards to meet, rather I welcomed the year with revelations in lieu of resolutions.

The end of the year was punctuated with a trip to see family, a new nephew, a proposal, and enough wine to sink the Navy. Yet, through this all and with the help of the dimly lit and always rejuvenating dance floor of Joe’s in Camden just days ago, I got to a point of oneness with the onset of 2016.

Being in love is harder than I thought.

Realisation 1: I thought I was more free than I was. I wanted to be able to say ‘I am going to go do me for a while and what is meant to work out always will’. I hide my shaking voice each time, but it doesn’t become more believable. He can see my armour cracking. I can feel my heart cracking.

“My man’s got a heart like a rock cast in the sea”

Realisation 2: Doing what is easy can also be hard. Through rejected visa letters and assessing what I can leave and what I can take, the easier path is to go back to America. But it is also the hardest. It is saying good-bye to a life once more. It is feeling like I disappointed myself for a quest to be a nomad. It is the firm hand of adulthood which I feel forcing me to unpack my bags at the end of young adulthood.

“But it’s too late to say you’re sorry
How would I know, why should I care?
Please don’t bother trying to find her
She’s not there”

Realisation 3: Not knowing who you are and what you will do next is also OK. Addressing my avoidance of resolutions and instead settling for some insights to help guide a new year, I realise I still have more to work on and the fact that I can still look around to friends and hear the insecurities they have, the fears we share, the uncertainty of the coming year, it is not a lonely trail as much as lacking definite direction. It is having faith in the riptides underfoot and being open to where you will come up for air next.

“But she’s not there.”

Realisation 4: Joe’s has the best soundtrack of any dance club you could ask for. Also, there is no substitute for sweating through your sorrows to songs like this on a dance floor.


Danrell X SmĂĄland – Hostage

"Hearts are wild creatures, thats why our ribs are cages"

Such a good pairing, Danrell and Småland. The Swedish/Los Angeles based duo came together on this track that can be comfortable playing in the background until you focus in on the lyrics laid over the upbeat production. 

I’ve been looking for a way out of this cage you keep me in
Your hands touch my neck as your breath creeps up underneath my skin
I can’t help but to want it
If you want my love come get it
And I can’t fight the grip on my heart”

With a similar sound to the 2o15 breakthrough duo Milky Chance, the lyrics are simple and the vocals are soft as they melt on the trickling notes at the bridge.

And if love is a drug I don’t want it
Because I don’t have any self control
The harder I try to get off it
The more I can see that I need it”

Although not much information can be found on the two who came together for this auditory treat, there is something to be said about the track which has come to be. It is the familiarity of the song. The toxicity of a lover and need for a methadone patch to move on. It is a bittersweet symphony of love and desire and the result of such when you pull away only to realise you no longer can live without. When that is the case, why are you pulling away at all?

And I can’t break free
From your hold on me
Throw away that key
This love don’t wanna let me leave
And I am a Hostage”


La$t Nite – Pull Up

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The last few days have been crazy for me, so I haven’t had a chance to sit with some real music and just let it take me away. Music has been my drug of choice for a few years now. It’s how I make my escape from everyone else’s morbid realities. I say; “morbid“, because that’s what I see. So and so, yapping about their back pains and headaches, wondering out loud if they’re dying. And even when people aren’t being morbid they are being morbid. Baby momma drama, late payments on bills, depreciating assets purchased on a whim.

Meanwhile, here I am running around like I have no worries. Wine bar (il vino) on the Upper East Side the moment I land in the city. Upper East to Lelabar in the West Village. Quality Eats? Not worth the wait since we’ve been to Quality Italian and Quality Meats already. Tropical in Little Italy and then the unannounced after hours with the sexy girlfriend?

Why the fuck not?

Mind on my money, money on my mind. Above all, my son is heavy in the forefront of my thoughts.

Best friends become strangers. Love turns into danger.

I’ve been so afraid to write about my reality from fear of the repercussions of my son’s mother, that I’ve cheated myself, and ultimately YOU, of some good work. Watching The Breaks on t.v. a little earlier made me realize that the part of me that doesn’t give you my rawest stories is like that wack ass M.C. that no one ever relates to. The part of me that gives you: “The Real”, is what ends up being great. Therefore, “The Real” parts of me is all that I have to give. And here, those real parts go:

I tried telling my son’s mom that I have had a girlfriend since before she announced her pregnancy to me. To backtrack, I sent her an email explaining why we shouldn’t and couldn’t be intimate anymore prior to that announcement. Which incidentally went to straight to the garbage can the moment she did announce. I was happy. I won’t lie, but I was also conflicted.

Now, my definition of “girlfriend” is not what you would expect. That just means: “girl that I’m fucking with no condom, frequently, and kind of diggin'”. 

A lot has happened in the past few weeks/months. I guess being faded is the only real way for me to deviate from those morbid realities that I’m surrounded by, in order to create realities that everyone else wishes: “could be”. I assume that the only real way to be honest to those that know my true identity is through a pen name that they could have all guessed if they were paying real close attention to me.

2016 is going to be all about vibe. I don’t care that you want more EDM in your headphones. Fuck you, actually because when we put the planet on to EDM you were still figuring out how to use toilet paper properly.

2016 is all about energy and mood. It’s about feeling confident in the craziness that occurs in your mind. It’s about no longer wondering if you are crazy or not and just taking chances.

If you don’t fuck with this, then fuck off and come back another day when there is something that you do fuck with. Life can be just that simple.