Break-ups are contagious. Like most things really. When your friend gets a new job, you start to look at your situation and career and size it up. Complaining or sharing your dislike for something has actually been shown to be more of a bonding moment for two people than other social interactions. Sadly.
But the break-up is always one. I remember seeing it in a show or movie or something (In retrospect it was The League) where a couple gets freaked out when their friends get divorced and they say it then “These kind of things are contagious.” You see your friend, either miserable or liberated, but either way you see them broken up. You see the process, the internal and external monologue, the aftermath. You start to compare this
A friend recently broke up with her long time boyfriend because he didn’t get her and didn’t allow her to be herself truly or what she deemed as herself fully. But relationships are tricky. There is the fine line where this person pushes you to be a better version of yourself, a reason to be with your partner, and then person you feel like you are that you still feel like you need to hide. More than the first time you fart in front of them, its the stuff behind the curtain. The stuff under the hood. Where do you draw the line of what to share or if you do, can they handle all of it?
Being a girl and a friend to her, we talked about all of this in length. And like osmosis, the conversation seeps in to the skin and your head. I am reminded how fragile we are and our relationships can be. The layers and lies and truth and white lies that create a web that you can either stay in or escape, which is never easy. But we are fragile. I think what struck me about the conversation was how many times she said she was broken. She was stuck. I feel broken. I am stuck here. And like that those words sink in to anyone’s skin that is within earshot. Sinks in to the bones. “Am I happy?” “Am I stuck?”
Then comes the realisation that the only thing you are connected to physically is the earth and all of the other bits and shit and ties and break-ups are in your head. But we are fragile, so we need to take care of ourselves and each other. And try to keep what is in your life your life and your perspective in check. I am reminded we get exposed to different ideas and there are more chances to hold a microscope up to your life and pick and choose what you share and what can remain yours and hidden. I imagine the key to life or happiness is learning what those are and who to share them with.
This song just resonates all of this.
“What is to give light must endure burning.” – Viktor Frankl