She was clearly upset. I asked her what was wrong and she just kept saying she was suffocating. That’s all. The love was there, I could tell. I could feel it still. But she wasn’t. She was losing herself in the relationship. She was calling from that place where you realise you don’t remember the last time you slept alone. Her nights filled up with plans and dinners, committing nights once spent on personal time and space to sitting around each other because you don’t know what else to do.
But I try, but I try And I need time, and I need space I need to live without your face”
There are always the pangs of guilt felt the first night you say “I actually think I am going to just stay at mine tonight”. The guilt you feel when the other person doesn’t seem to be on the same page for that much needed night in your head. Alone time. Taking a step back to give yourself a break and process where you are is as necessary as sleep or working out your body. This is something you come to realise with heavy shoulders, comes a heavy mind.
She was still sad. She didn’t have an escape. She was more accommodating than most. But really that isn’t fair either. You’re tired, you take a break. Should there be such a taboo on taking a moment to build yourself back up? After all, that is the person who your lover fell for.
I could be what you want me to Can you hold out and let me do what I want? What I want? Tell me how long could you wait till you move on And tell me it’s too late! It’s too late. “
This song by Ella Eyre is an anthem for this realisation. For this moment. That voice in your head saying to” take a break” is just as loud as the one who is telling you if you” take a step back, then you will lose what you created”. Ella is a rising star from the UK with her vocals that sounds like she was out all night and a bravado which says she doesn’t care.
Will you want me like that? And if I leave, will it end? If I go, will you love me? Will you love me when I come back?”
