Hot Chip – These Chains

They call me “The Grinch Who Hates Christmas Music.”

Unless it’s choral and recorded before 1950, count me out. My office internet crapped out yesterday, and I had to work out of a Famima (is it a national chain? Think up-market 7-11). Chintzy, overwrought Christmas music for hours…how do the cashiers not go insane?

Christmas has become defined by clichés, and this breed of music is one of them. People can’t let go of creepy creshe scenes, buying people shit they don’t want and have to pretend to like, or, apparently, a white, male, human Santa.

[Briefly on that topic: the Santa Claus character is born from a combo of a 4th century Byzantine bishop (Saint Nicholas), nordic mythology (Odin) and 20th century American commercial advertising. In all of his forms, throughout history, “Santa” has been more or less a European white guy.

But I fully support the switch to a penguin Santa. This gender neutral being raises conservation/climate change awareness while putting to an end the tradition of parents lying to their children and pretending that’s okay “because its not really lying.”

In summary: Penguin Santa. Yes.]

One of the tracks playing in Famima was “Little Saint Nick” by The Beach Boys. Is this overplayed garbage heap The Beach Boys best known song? How depressing that it’s even a possibility.

In the era of big data, we should be able to know, once and for all, if playing Christmas music actually gets people to buy more stuff. I, for one, am driven from the offending business establishment. Anyone else in that boat? (Let me know in the comments so we can start our grassroots movement. Fox News will love this)

When those analytics confirm what is already clear – that Christmas music is the bane of all shoppers and all humans – I submit the following Hot Chip track as a replacement: smooth, appealing, slightly depressing (quick, buy something to feel happier 😀 !!!!!)

Next time you go into a Macy’s and hear the latest Nicolas Jaar or King Krule, you’ll know who to thank.

Hot Chip – These Chains


Goldfrapp – Rocket (Penguin Remix)

The Geek: [about Samantha] She’s cranked for you. I told her you asked about her, right? The girl freaked. She had a hissy. She thinks you’re the cat’s meow!

Jake: Really? She came up to me in the gym tonight. She looked at me like I was a leper.

The Geek: Girls will do that, Jake. You know? They know that guys are like in perpetual heat, right? They know they shit, and they enjoy pumping us up. It’s pure power politics, I’m telling you.

Jake: I thought she hated my guts.

The Geek: Games, Jake. Silly torturous games. You know how many times I’ve gone without lunch because some bitch borrows my lunch money? Any halfway decent girl can rob me – blind! Because I’m too torqued up to say no. It’s heinous, I’m telling you.

Jake: You better not be dicking me around. It’d be a major downer to try and get together with this girl and find out that she really does think I’m a slime.

The Geek: Jake, would I dick you? Let me put it to you this way: what happens to me if I dick you?

Jake: I’ll kick your ass.

The Geek: Right! So why would I lie? But I feel compelled to mention to you, Jake, that if all you want of the girl is a piece of ass, I mean, I’ll either do it myself, or get someone bigger than me to kick your ass. I mean, not many girls in contemporary American society today would give their underwear to help a geek like me.

Jake: I can get a piece of ass anytime I want. Shit, I’ve got Caroline in the bedroom right now, passed out cold. I could violate her ten different ways if I wanted to.

The Geek: [almost chokes on a pretzel] What are you waiting for?”

– Sixteen Candles

Sixteen Candles has absolutely nothing to do with this song but as I listened to this remix I couldn’t help but think of all my favorite 80’s movies. I played it for my roommate and he mentioned 16 Candles and 93 minutes later I’m writing this post. Goldfrapp’s fifth studio album Head First is scheduled to be released on March 22 and is promising to be something very special. It’s a great Saturday morning in NYC and this nostalgic remix sets it off right, enjoy.

Goldfrapp – Rocket (Penguin Remix)

Music Soundtracks

Nancy Sinatra – You Only Live Twice

If you haven’t noticed by now, I am somewhat of a James Bond aficionado. I can’t think of another product that has managed to stay relevant across multiple generations like the 007 franchise, all while never compromising the elegance and integrity of the brand. Top notch.

Regarded in numerous circles as the best Bond theme of all time Nancy Sinatras’You Only Live Twice is truly something special. It is the most sampled/recreated Bond theme to date, you’ve heard the famous violin intro sequence in countless songs, most notably Robbie Williams’ Millennium, and the Bjork and Coldplay covers. In the original Ian Flemming novel the haiku which inspired the songs opening lyrics was

You only live twice: Once when you’re born & once when you look death in the face.

Not exactly the type of concept people like to hear. This was later transformed into the more romantic and manageable:

You only live twice, or so it seems.. One life for yourself & one for your dreams.”

P.S. for those of you who share my affection with the Marrakesh express trend check out Octopussy. It is set in India and features some very inspiring fashion and imagery.

Nancy Sinatra – You Only Live Twice

Nancy Sinatra - The Best of Bond...James Bond - You Only Live Twice