I’m losing sleep
Light a smoke so I can breathe
It’s too dark, it’s too loud in the city”
Every once in a while my soul requires a huge change. Do you ever feel this way too? It’s like a timer inside of me goes off and I feel the need to get away from everything I know that currently surrounds me. I find the redundancies that a repetitious life can provide to become too overbearing, and then my insides begin to itch and the world starts appearing a little greyer to me with each day that passes.
In ten days I move over to the left coast from the city that I was born and raised in. I always knew that life would take me to the farthest places that the mind could go, so I sit here in anticipation, anxious for a new beginning.
Two months ago I had a baby boy. Yes, you read the right, I became a dad for the first time ever. That’s the kind of change that my soul absolutely loves, change that switches your whole mind state up in less than a second and flips the former life you had right out the window. With it, all the stupid vices and petty habits tossed too. I guess life gives you real responsibilities when it feels that you are truly ready for them because I am completely armed to crush fatherhood like a champ and I can’t wait for each new day now, like before, but for totally different reasons. The world seems different to me, and even NYC seems like another life.
Where life once happened at lightning fast speeds, it is now a snail slow dial up connection. There is no rush to get anywhere and there’s nothing more important than what I have in front of me. Old acquaintances become names and phone numbers that I don’t have time for, and there are no such things as enemies because those too require way more time than I care to give to any single thing or any other person that isn’t part of what I already have. That’s been the biggest change in me: what I, who I, and how I spend my time. I just don’t see the importance in anyone or anything else to pull me away from the beauty I see every three to four hours and I don’t think I ever again will.
I mean, I got everything I need right here with me. I got air in my lungs, a few blank sheets of paper”