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RKCB – Lights Low

I remember years ago I had this friend who used to always talk about his “secret girlfriend.” He would talk about how she’d booty call him, she’d only come around at night, she’d leave before he woke up in the morning, etc. It sounded like heaven and the stories were always pretty captivating, though calling her “secret” always struck me as ironic considering he talked about her incessantly, but that’s not either here nor there. Usually she’d be wasted when she’d call him at like 2am when the bars closed, and she’d come over and have her way with him. Or sometimes she’d come over before she went out to party, complaining to my buddy about how annoying her friends are, or bragging to him about how many dudes hit on her when she went out the night before. The thing was, she was super hot, so she could easily get away with all the vapid one-way conversations. She could get away with toying with dudes non-stop, and I’m sure my buddy wasn’t the only one she was toying with at that moment. But, again, she was super hot.

It was all fun and games until he fell in love with her, and then he started to wonder and worry about why they couldn’t take this “relationship” further than some late night calls and drunken (at least she was) romps in the sheets (“with the bedposts watching” as singer Casey Barth so eloquently croons). As the situation started to wear on him more, he took inventory of their hang-outs, and realized he had never once seen her in the daylight. The only time she ever made an appearance was after the sun had set, with the “lights low.” In his head he replayed the conversations they had and realized she never once asked him a thing about his life. She just talked and talked and bragged and talked and smoked a cig and talked some more. I remember talking to him while he had this realization, and it felt just like that scene in “High Fidelity” when Jon Cusak’s character realizes that Catherine Zeta-Jones’s character is a rude, mean, awful person without much to offer. But, she was super hot, so…

But as we discussed all the ways she had wronged my buddy, we realized that the way she acted is pretty much the way most guys act with women in general, so all of a sudden he didn’t feel so bad anymore. Maybe it’s good to have the tables turned on you every now and then, it keeps you on your toes.

That said, I feel for Riley Knapp and Casey Barth (RKCB y’all). I’ve seen firsthand how a “secret girlfriend” reduced my buddy to a confused mess of a man. But, again, she was super hot…