We met up at MidiCi in Sherman Oaks. I walked in and immediately walked over towards the bar, found a stool and ordered a glass of red wine. My palms were sweaty and my heart racing. Finally, after a few minutes of waiting that felt like hours, she walked in. There was that innocence to her that I always loved; a playfully goofy side that ignores how beautiful she actually is and walks around like everything she is seeing, she’s seeing for the very first time. She caught a glimpse of me from the distance and blushed her flawless smile towards me. Her eyes immediately to the ground as she made her way through the crowd of indecisive people waiting on line to order their food.
The walk from the front door to the bar was only about 500 feet or so, but it seemed like miles to me. The closer she got the more fidgety my legs became. High above my waistline I made sure to keep my shoulders down and my chin up, like there was no stress at all in me; like nothing fazed or could ever faze me. Below, however, was a completely different movie. My legs were shaking the way they do whenever I know I’m about to get into a fight. For years, I thought that shakiness was fear until I stopped fearing things altogether and realized that it is just the adrenaline in you ready to attack; impatient for impact. My stomach dropping with every few steps she took closer towards me, as if I were on a roller coaster full of a million dips.
She arrived at my stool and I stood up to hug her. She pulled me in towards her neck and her scent melted me. I wanted to lay there forever. She grabbed my wrist and we sat. We spoke about our last few days in Italy and Croatia before things had faded to black. We flirted, as usual, and we laughed. After about an hour, I made sure to cut things short. As much as I wanted to stay I could no longer be in a place of uncertainty, so I told her that I had to go, paid the check and walked her to her car.
He was a dreamer at heart
Chasing the stars”
Something inside of me knew that after all this time this would be the last time we saw or spoke to one another. As much as I missed her when I walked away, there was a part of me that felt closure. Like a door that had once opened up out of thin air locked shut behind me with no chance of ever opening up again. I went back over to NoHo and laid in bed all day, just thinking about what she said. Her moving to New York would have once been a dream come true for me, but this time it seemed like another one of God’s jokes. A few days later I began waking up without her on my mind. It’s funny how I got over two women from different periods in my life at around the same time this year. Learning to let go of the past has been a strenuous journey for me. But who knows if I’ve learned anything at all. I ask myself that all the time.
Maybe if the stars align
Maybe if our worlds collide
Maybe on the dark side
We could be together, be together”