I remember leaving the bar at the Andaz on Sunset one night after midnight, drunk as all hell. I was charged up on life, but I was depressed about the girl in my life at that time being thousands of miles away. We had just gotten back from Sundance about a week before, and I was in LA for the Grammys. That day, a few of my Los Angeleno friends had decided to cure my depression by picking me up at my hotel in the early morning. We would drive on Sunset all the way to Malibu, and once we hit the PCH they lit up a joint and everything became so surreal. I wanted her to be there to experience what it was that I was feeling, but maybe had she been there it wouldn’t have been the same.
But It keeps me alive
Soon I’ll be gettin’ my high
Later that day, in the early evening, they dropped me off back at The Mondrian and said they wanted to take me out later that night. I agreed, knowing that I would later flake out because I was feeling like I just needed to be with myself. I was thankful for the day they showed me and the memories they provided, but once the high came down I still only wanted to sulk in the depressions of love. I got back up to my room, took a hot shower and fell asleep staring down those seductive lights of Sunset Boulevard from 12 stories above.
Some hours later, I woke up to missed calls and unanswered text messages. None from her. In my mind it didn’t matter that there was a 12-hour time difference because there should be no time differences in love.
Watch television, it’s not what I do
You can not be the one that I knew”
Restless, I got dressed and crossed the street to Katana, but it was closing. I looked right, then left and saw some action at the Andaz where I found a beautiful lobby bar. All I needed was a drink or three after all, so I went right in, sat at the only seat left at the exact center of the bar and ordered a whiskey neat. I kept thinking to myself that I needed to live differently. That I had to stop sulking about moments and things that I have no control over, and live within the moments in front of me. After all, those are the only moments that I ever have any control over.
Some moments later the beautiful blond bartender asked my name. As patron after patron (not the tequila) started leaving the bar, I’d find myself alone with her there, laughing, joking, telling little lies to seduce her soul. It worked. She would ask me what I was doing after she closed up shop, and I would ask if this was her way of kicking me out. She would tell me that this was her way of asking me to join her for a drink in Downtown LA. She knew some speakeasy where we could both sulk in our sorrows until 6AM.
That night, she would drive through LA as if it were a video game. That’s what it looked like to me, at least. We would hit this hidden bar that felt as if we were back in the Prohibition Era. She knew everyone there and they all loved her. I had let the moment entice me and I had found myself living within it. It was something so unfamiliar to me, but I guess that was the allure.
I won’t struggle, for pleasure
Sworn in the water, well I need the sea.”
It was that night that I began living my life in-the-moment. I never saw that relationship I maintained with the bartender as anything else but that. You are free to judge me because this is America, but my heart, soul, spirit and mind are only citizens of love. There are no rules there. Something or the other about all being fair in wars and such..
I get the feeling that I won’t retreat
Won’t, won’t, sail, back home”