I’ve been staring into this reflection a lot lately and I recognize it but it’s a lot different than how I remember it and I think back to when my hair was long and my nose wasn’t crooked and my teeth were straight and my beard had a bald spot in the middle and my eyes shined brighter. My nose is a little crooked and I have a quirky gap in my teeth and my hair is buzzed down to the scalp and my beard is filled in and my eyes are a little dim but I try my best to let the light shine through them. I’ve never dealt well with change and I’ve always been gifted at seeing the bad long before the good but right now I see the good even if its obscured.
I’ve been afforded the opportunity to be molded by experiences and natural growth that have reflected upon me physically like the glimmer of a pool as the moon looks down upon it at night. People tell me I look older than my age and I believe it because I don’t feel like a college-aged man anymore and I can see that in every crook and cranny on my face as youth has given way to life. I don’t feel carefree anymore but I also don’t feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and I’m grateful and I try to let people know that every time I smile and offer a glimpse of that gap and for a moment my eyes shine brighter. A woman told me the haze had lifted from my eyes one day and it was temporary but it gave me hope and I know I’ll never have that long hair or straight nose or perfect teeth again but my beard will flourish and my eyes will glow and I’ll feel at home once more.
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