I had a revealing discussion about faith last night. Short of a few months in middle school, I’ve never believed in a Judeo-Christian god. I’m at a point in my life where I need a higher power, yet my previous experiences with faith left a bad taste in my mouth – a crippled man telling a church full of believers that his life improved only once he donated money to the church, or pursuing cosmic ideas amidst the haze of a mind saddled by chronic marijuana use in college.
I thought I was onto something when I prayed to a faceless, nameless higher power in my hospital bed earlier this year, asking to not let me die. I continued to tap into that resource, what I perceived as a higher power who would amiably direct events in my life like pawns on a chess board, yet the recent suicide of a family friend shattered that slowly developing belief. If the light in so many people’s lives flamed out, then why would a greater force directly benefit me? It’s bothered me for weeks, but the discussion I mentioned put me back on the path to pursuing a higher power by understanding that there’s indeed something out of my control – life and death. If I engage in the present moment, I’m engaging in life. If I engage in life and pursue spiritual principles, I’m engaging a power greater than myself. It might not be faith in the traditional sense, but it’s faith that brings me closer to feeling whole.
I have a feeling this approach will allow me to better appreciate the beauty in the world around me. Thus, it’s likely no coincidence that I have a serious appreciation for Sumera’s gorgeous, introspective cut “Faith” today.
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