I’ve descended deep into this spiral of something I’m still trying to understand. It’s that feeling that you’re going somewhere but not entirely sure where just yet, but you know that it’s going to be okay. I’ve got full blown allergies making my nose an unstoppable force of terror and anguish, so that is making everything far more intense than it actually is. Here’s a stab at what I’m dealing with. The past is a truly frightening thing when you choose to dwell on it for too long. It’s frightening, but it’s not bad. You only move forward because of the times that you are busy enough to allow yourself the moments of procrastination, which lead to your dwelling on things that don’t occur right now in front of you. So you rewind, hammering away at pieces of your past that you’ve stashed away, the kind of things that hurt but you take some kind of guilty pleasure in returning to them. They’re not ideal memories, but you fall into them because most of the time your brain knows you need to return to them.
Well, that entire idea that I’ve just talked about, is my thesis. Everything about it. It drives me nuts, and I’m sure I’m not unique in saying that. I love it because it’s a part of my heart and a part of my past, but nothing about it is pleasant and it most certainly is not something I ever imagined myself dwelling on for this long. But the incredible thing about it, is that I know at the end of this whole process, I’ll have grown. It’s like getting a kitten (surprise, I got one of those, too) and loving it for its tiny size and adorable thumbs (yes, I have a Hemingway kitty), but knowing for sure that it will absolutely grow up into an awesome and magnificent larger creature. For whatever reason, you won’t see it happen because you’ll be too busy taking care of it, but everyone else who comes in and out of your life will see it and gape in awe at its size and how much it’s grown since the last time they saw it.
That’s how I hope things will be. For both me, and my kitty. Hopefully we’ll both grow up to be really big and awesome, without falling too many times along the way. But I guess that has something to do with this remix? Right? Can we just say that falling is inevitable and that maybe, just maybe, we can all learn how to fall gracefully? Glide with style, if I may? Okay Toy Story references are out of the bag, which means it’s my cue to go ahead and let you guys enjoy this one before I say much else. I am in fact a lover of all things HAIM, and I can’t help but feel like this psychedelic remix is bound to get you falling out of whatever slump you’re in and into a productive and healthy mind space. Which was exactly what I needed today. The funky is turned up a notch here, and it almost matches that indescribable feeling I was trying to convey at the very beginning of this post. This song exists in an in-between dimension, and it excites me.