I spent my last week of 2014 smoking joints on the top of St. John, sipping Red Stripes on a beach, and reflecting on the last year of my life. 2014 was probably the best year of my “adult life”, and looking back on it, I feel like I accomplished maybe a quarter of the goals I set for myself. I made some money and found a new home in Colorado.
I’m living in the future, where weed is legal and I can grow a few plants without worrying about jail. And I love it.
But I also lost some friends, people I thought I could trust and turned out to be snakes–partially because I made mistakes and partially because most people are not trustworthy. I also partied far too hard at times, and as a result, became scared that, at 27, I was trending towards the Jim Morrison path.
Since then, I’ve reigned it in, gotten back on track, and feel more confident and driven than I have since I have in a long time.
I don’t think I’ve become the person I ultimately want to be, and as I near 30 and see my friends getting engaged, I’m scared I’m not making the moves that will put me where I want to be when I am indeed 30.
As Hec inspiringly wrote the other day, it’s important to never forget the past–to remember your victories, your losses, the good and the bad times. But when you’re not day-dreaming about nostalgic memories, it’s more important to live in the moment, to set goals, look forward and get harder, better, faster, stronger.
Because as my late, wise grandfather once told me, “Only an asshole looks backward.” You can’t change the mistakes you’ve made or the people that have come and gone throughout your life. But you can use that knowledge to make yourself more impervious the fakers, the haters, and the people who will bring you down.
As I set goals for 2015, I know what I want. I want ownership. I want power. I want stability. I want the Knicks to get the #1 draft pick. I want good people in my life. I want to eliminate the bullshit. I want to perfect my craft. I want to be in complete control. And most importantly, I want to be the person I know I’m not, but that I will be.
You have one lifetime, and what you make of that lifetime is only up to you.
My friend showed me this remix in The Scrumfrog’s Burning Man Set, which has immediately (along with Tycho’s mix) made me want to make the voyage to burn: